As a single Christian patiently waiting on God for marriage, here are 5 reminders to keep you going. There’s so much to share on this topic. But I thought I’d start with these harsh truths I think every single Christian should know.
1. It’s not all about you
This is one of the hardest truths to come to terms with as Christians especially because we live in a culture that prioritises our happiness at all costs. As harsh as it sounds, your life isn’t ultimately just about fulfilling your hopes and dreams.
In the grand scheme of things, you are a tiny part of a larger story of God.
I don’t know about you but when I was younger, I had all these plans of the exact age I would be married, how many kids I would have by a certain age and all of that good stuff. It was much later in life that I discovered Proverbs 19:21 which gave me a rude awakening.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Ouchie!
Our plans are broken and self-centred at best. God has his will and divine purpose for our lives even before we were formed. and that purpose is for God’s glory.
Remember the story of Lazarus. When Lazarus was sick and they sent word to Jesus, John 11: 4 says “But when Jesus heard it he said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Because of what’s about to happen next, the verse following says “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” John put that in there just in case you doubt it.
Here’s what happens next – verse 6
“So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days” Can you just imagine this playing out from the perspective of the sisters and onlookers? Jesus did this to someone he supposedly loved!
This is insane. Jesus must not love this guy. In the same way, Jesus just must not care that I am single. He wants me to die alone or worse, with 10 cats.
Brothers and sisters, as we can see in the full story, what God was about to do was beyond Lazarus. It wasn’t just about Lazurus. In that story, Jesus demonstrated the resurrection, his power, his compassion and so much more. I would argue that in fact, even though Lazarus and his family couldn’t have seen this far, the purpose of that story includes You and I and other millions of Christians who have since then read this story and have been encouraged by it. It was all indeed “for God’s glory.”
Sometimes in our quest for what we desire, God takes us on long, tough roads just for his glory. This may be so that we can later encourage someone else or for other reasons we may never find out. So we must trust him to be working all things for our good.
2. God is accurate
A lot of time, in the middle of difficulties it can be so hard to know how God could possibly work things out for our good. I want to remind you today that delays are not God’s mockery of our hopes and prayers.
In our times of waiting, we learn to rely even more on his sufficient grace. We are disciplined to truly trust in the mysterious ways he works. Because God’s ways can seem strange and incomprehensible to our human mind.
I think we love to limit God to our own boundaries and constraints. We think, Oh No, time is running out.
Let me tell you something, He is the author of time. Can you Imagine God being limited by his own creation? I don’t know what type of God that would be but that’s not my God.
My God sees all, considers all and is NEVER out of control. He’s never too early or too late. Not even by a nanosecond. God is accurate. God is precise. Can your mind even comprehend the precision it takes to put the entire universe together? How much more your situation?? Even the children you’re supposed to have must be born at a specific time and date, and go to school with specific people that God has ordained.
Let me tell you something, Do not let your linear, 2D and tunnel vision of things trick you into thinking you know better than the Almighty.
I encourage you to take your eyes off the technicalities of your problems and stop trying to solve them on God’s behalf. Take your eyes off the cares of this world and focus on the author and finisher of your faith.
In Habakkuk 2:3, God was telling the prophet that although time will pass before the fulfilment of the vision he was given, it will still happen at the set time.
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. What you consider delay, isn’t really delay. It’s things happening at the time God has set for it.”
3. Don’t waste time while waiting
I know there’s a misconception that single people have a lot of time on their hands, but the opposite is often true. Waiting on God doesn’t mean waiting around with your hands folded.
Each day, each hour you spend waiting on the Lord for a spouse are still days of your life that you will need to give account to God for. That account cannot be that oh..I was waiting for my spouse during that time. Can we fast forward to when I got married and my life really started?
What are you spending your time of waiting doing? Are you spending all your days blinded by despair, moping around every single day?
I know some days can be very challenging, especially when those around you keep reminding you of their expectation for your life.
I once had three separate occasions in one week of people mockingly asking me about not being married. I was just minding my own business, being happy and at peace, not even thinking about marriage. What tripped me up the most was that one of these people was a guy who got married like 2 seconds ago after waiting for a long time. Like ah ah…wow, the devil is wicked o. Brother, will you calm down? That was when I knew the devil was trying to get me down. Can you see
As a single Christian, are you like the five foolish virgins who were completely unprepared when the groom finally arrived? The Bible says in Matthew 25:5 that the bridegroom took ages to arrive and they all fell asleep. By the time the bridegroom came, only those who were ready went with him. These trusted and believed that he was going to come. The unprepared foolish ladies suffered loss because they started prepping when it was too late. I know this story isn’t primarily about earthly marriage but I find there’s something to learn. In your time of waiting,
- Are you pursuing God wholeheartedly?
- How many books have you read on being a godly wife or woman
- Are you working on forming good habits? Are you showering once a week while praying that God should bring you a neat and tidy man or woman?
- Are you making wise financial decisions?
- If you are a man, are you really prepared to lead a Godly family
- Do you know what it takes to raise Godly children or you’re waiting until you’re in the delivery ward to start piecing it together?
- Do you understand biblical gender roles?
Can I tell you something, none of what you do in preparation will go to waste if the marriage never happens. If you’re doing it right, you’ll end up being a better person and a better Christian.
Another thing during our time of waiting is that sometimes, we’re too focused inwardly, on our own problems while there are others around us starving for the neighbourly love that only we can offer. Although this isn’t limited to single people, when I look at my own life, I find there’s an opportunity to serve others and shower them with life-changing love. All you have to do is look around you.
4. Mindfully practice contentment and not coveteousness
This one is hard. It’s one we all do. Whether married or single. it just creeps up on you. Don’t fall into the trap of coveting someone else’s relationship. We’re more prone to this because of social media where everyone seems to be sharing their seemingly perfect spouses bringing them some sort of delicious food every day. And you’re asking, where’s my man to bring me food? I’m not saying don’t admire good things, but we need to be careful.
A spouse isn’t the only source of love you can experience. Don’t let the enemy cause you to ignore the other people God has blessed you with. Some married people don’t even get to experience half of the love you have in your life.
As you believe in God for a spouse, appreciate and celebrate what you have. No matter how tempting it is, don’t isolate yourself.
5. Shut down the voice of anxiety
I sometimes have this crazy thought like, what if I never get married? Who will take care of me when I’m old? From there, my mind spirals and by the time I’m down the rabbit hole, I’m imagining myself at age 90 unable to wipe my own butt and flies chasing me around the house.
You may also have these other anxieties. My eggs will become fried up, my sperm will turn to powder. I should really freeze my eggs or sperm while they are still nice and fresh. Or, I’m going to be a geriatric mum with busted knees. There are so many things to worry about, some of them silly, some of them valid. I love what Paul said in Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
You may even have paranoid anxieties “What if people are laughing at me in secret because I’m alone?” This is one of the devil’s ploy to sell you a garment of shame. Tell him, no thanks.
All those things, are not yours to worry about. And guess what, if you are a Christian, God has already taken care of your greatest need which is the forgiveness of your sin and salvation.
None of what I’ve shared today is to make light of the challenges of being an undesired singleness. I could have chosen more fluffy encouragement, but these are the ones I’ve found personally helpful and I hope you do too!
You are not insignificant. Your story and your wait on God are not insignificant. Psalm 31: 24 says, “Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord”. Keep trusting that God has the best plans for you. No matter what comes your way, do not let your faith waver. Psalm 34: 5 says, Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Psal,I pray that God will supply your needs through Christ Jesus. Amen
Remain in his love.